Triumph Over Trauma: Doa's Story of Overcoming the Challenges of War and Displacement

Amelia (Host): [00:00:38] Today's guest is a Gulf war refugee who stayed in a desert camp for four years as a child. She moved to the US at the age of five, and she paved her way through the school system, despite the culture clash and lack of knowing the language. She graduated from the University of Minnesota in Biology and earned a Master's in Health Information. She's now married with two children and resides in Maryland.  Thank you for joining us Doa.

Doa: Thank you for having me here, Amelia. 

Amelia (Host): [00:01:03] The cool thing about our connection is that I found you on TikTok. I saw a post about your father-in-law and I was immediately intrigued. And then you and I had the chance to sit down a couple of weeks ago to talk about your story.

I was blown away about what you went through the first five years of your life. And I want to warn everyone. It's a tear-jerker. So, you might want to go ahead and grab the tissues because Doa and I, both were in tears when we spoke before. Can you just start from the very beginning before your time in the camp and what led you to that moment?

Doa: [00:01:37]  All right. So at the age of a year and a half there was the Gulf war of 1991.  From then shortly thereafter, the war was between Kuwait and Iraq. Shortly thereafter, there was a big revolution to overturn the government. People were tired, people were tired of the tyrany. They were tired of the [00:02:00] dictatorship.

They were tired of the brutality against different types of people in Iraq.  People revolted, thousands of thousands of men revolted against the Saddam regime. They wanted to bring down his empire.  That's where my story begins. My father was one of those were revolters. And that's what caused us, caused our life to be in danger.

He was blacklisted. So, if he did not run, if he did not run fast, we would have been in endanger and our lives were on the line. So, my dad fled, he fled, before us. He fled in the middle of the night, just fled for his life. Shortly after he fled his, so his two siblings were killed by the Saddam employees or the Saddam troops. They were they were shot to the head. [00:03:00] So that's where my story begins. 

Amelia (Host): [00:03:05] And he  just left in the middle of the night?

Doa: [00:03:08] Yeah, he had to flee. And so did thousands of other men, they had to flee. And then we got a word from dad. He told us come after him.

We had, we had to go. He told us your life is endangered too. You have to flee. So just to backtrack right after dad fled, his brother was shot. Like I told you, he was left on the streets for three days and he was guarded by Saddam Hussein militia. He was 19 years of age and none of the family members could do any funeral arrangements and mind you in our religion of Islam the practices are to bury the person within one or two days after death.

He was left on the streets for three days. And later on, they [00:04:00] found him he was being eaten by wild dogs. He was a meal to the wild dogs. So when we, when we heard this my maternal uncle, he was not blacklisted. He didn't have anything to do with the revolution. So, he helped us. We, he helped us plan. We had to leave our house behind, all our belongings.

We didn't even say goodbye to any of our family members. We just have to, we fled in the middle of the night, my uncle brought us to the neighboring country of Saudi Arabia. When we reached Saudi Arabia, we were greeted by troops, they told us, here are some blankets and you guys can just sleep anywhere on the desert floor.

Amelia (Host): [00:04:47] How Old were you at the time, Doa?

Doa: [00:04:48] I was a year and a half, so I didn't start creating any memories until I resided in the camp. So, all this was told [00:05:00] to me by stories. 

Amelia (Host): [00:05:01] And you had siblings, also older siblings?

Doa: [00:05:04] Yeah. So ,my mom fled with five kids all under the age of nine. I was a year and a half and there was even one, six months, six months old. She was a lap child.

Amelia (Host): [00:05:15] While at the camp, you even faced sand storms while you were there. And one morning, your mother woke up and couldn't find you.

Doa: [00:05:22] Yes, that was the first night we were in the refugee camp. They gave us blankets and they said, go to sleep. So, my mom woke up the next morning and she couldn't find any of us.

She started tapping everywhere on the desert floor to see if she can find us or where we were. Where we could have gone. So , she tapped around and she found my dad and she was like, I can't find my girls. Where are they? Where are they? And little does she know, there was a sand storm in the middle of the night that buried us all underground.

So luckily, [00:06:00] we all made it out alive. We were still breathing. But that was the first night. But imagine the thoughts going through all these families, all the adults that were alert that could think.  I was younger. So, I didn't know what the situation was, but imagine like, mom, for example, what were her thoughts? Her thoughts were like, what next ? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Are they for us or against us? 

Amelia (Host): [00:06:28] How long did it take for any organizations to get to your family and the others? 

Doa: [00:06:33] So , the organizations were there from the beginning. That's why they were troops giving out blankets and, and giving out food.

But then shortly thereafter, they started giving us tents. So , each family had a little tent to reside in and then maybe within a year, a year and a half, they started providing supplies to make brick homes. They gave them cement. They gave them the molds for the supplies to build brick homes [00:07:00] and they showed them how to build the home.

And then the men of the refugee camp started building homes and the home was simple, the home was a one-bedroom home. Everything was roofless except the bedroom. So, when it rained, it poured in the house, but it was a roof, it was a roof over our heads. It was the first sign of relief. 

Amelia (Host): [00:07:24] And you were in school at the time?

Doa: [00:07:28] After I started school at the age of maybe four and a half, they started us early. But yeah, I started there, they established schools, some men established little businesses and I still have vivid memories that I cherish a lot from school. I made friends that we are still friends to this day.And we're, we're really best friends. And we managed to keep in touch very often. 

Amelia (Host): [00:07:59] And then your [00:08:00] parents had more children while you were there, correct?

Doa: [00:08:01] That's correct. My, my mom had another girl and then she had her first boy. In the refugee camp and mind you, my parents have eight girls and one boy. So, having that boy was a holiday. 

Amelia (Host): [00:08:21] What were your parents doing during this time? Were they working? 

Doa: [00:08:26] No, they were not working. We were getting. Like the United Nations stepped in, the Saudi government, stepped in, we were getting our food. We were getting the basic necessities of living and water. They gave us like tanks of guests make cook and they were giving like a monthly stipend for something very simple, maybe 100, $200 a month.

But nobody, nobody was really employed. Except the few men that decided to open up ice cream shops but they were just [00:09:00] waiting for signs of hope. Like what, what next? 

Amelia (Host): [00:09:03] Do you think that your father had any fear at that time? Once you fled?

Doa: [00:09:12] Dad, was he did a big act of bravery just to flee. Just, just that one act is it's big. He was ,even though I'm pretty sure deep inside, he was afraid, like, how am I supposed to help these kids survive? What are they going to do with us? So, he deep inside, I'm sure he was afraid, but he was open to opportunity. He was open to learn. He was open to see what next.

Amelia (Host): [00:09:43] When did that opportunity come to come to the U S and how did it come about?

Doa: [00:09:48] Yes. Different countries started stepping in while we were in the refugee camp to name a few Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Australia, Germany, [00:10:00] Canada, and the United States. I'm sure there were many others, but those are just to name a few. And we were interviewed by the United States of America.

To come to the United States. After the interview, during the interview, the interviewer told my mom going to the United States is like going on top of a mountain. And then all of a sudden, you're going to fall down. And still to this day, she remembers that one quote from that guy. She's like, that's so true because when I came to the United States, I thought I was coming to something big, but then little did I know that there was challenges, there was going to be culture class. There was going to be a language barrier. So, after we got interviewed, we got accepted there, there has to be an acceptance process. They have to do some background checks. So, we got accepted to come to the United States.

When we were sponsored by the Catholic charities of San Diego. [00:11:00] I can't thank them enough if anybody's hearing that from this podcast, I thank  you guys. They paid for our airfare. This was 1995. They paid for a family of nine, $2,000. They paid for our airfare. When we arrived to San Diego, mind you, we were in Saudi Arabia. Women are covered from head to toe. You can barely see their eyes. And then I come the spring of 1995 to San Diego airport. And then imagine all the culture clash there. You see women and shorts with their hair down. 

Amelia (Host): [00:11:37] I'm sure it was a shock to you. 

Doa: [00:11:40] It was, it was the big shocker. Yes. And it to our family too. But slowly we adjusted, you know when, when you arrive there slowly adjust to the culture, to the language.

Amelia (Host): [00:11:53] and you immediately started school?

Doa: [00:11:56] Right away. We started school. They signed us up and [00:12:00] we started school back then. I was not in a headscarf cause I was five years old. I was a little younger, but two years after I started school, I wore the headscarf. It was a little, it was very, very difficult. I don't blame. I still, to this day, I don't blame anybody because imagine 1995, people in America don't know what a headscarf is. It's very uncommon. So, all these little five-year-old six-year-old kids, they don't know what a headscarf is. So, they would pull our head scarf down.

They would call us names, our scarves would be pulled and the pin would get stuck in our neck. And then the teachers were just being there as a support system for us. They're trying to explain all these girls are from different cultures. 

Amelia (Host): [00:12:53] And at that time, did you want to leave the U S when you were going through the bullying?

Doa: [00:12:59] No, [00:13:00] because we don't know. We don't know anything else. You know USA is home now. And even when I fled Iraq, I was a year and a half. I didn't know what Iraq was. So, I wore the headscarf and the bullying started, and then we continued, we continued to pave our way through the school system, but at the age of seven years old my dad was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and this is post-war caused  by war. 

So I consider myself orphaned at the age of seven. Orphan from the father. Dad was in and out of mental health institutions. He was in and out of hospitals. And despite that, during his good days, he would bounce back from his mental health condition and he would open [00:14:00] businesses. He was a successful man, but his mental health condition kept hindering him.

So, we moved to the state of Minnesota. We were basically the founding fathers of the Iraqi community in Minnesota. So, dad through word of mouth, he kept telling different people to come to Minnesota, come to Minnesota. So, slowly, family by family, they started coming. He helped them. He was their mentor.

He helped them open businesses. He taught them how to try. He taught them the system. And then like I told you, his mental health kept taking a toll on him. It kept hindering him, but he helped all these families established their lives. He helped them. Yeah, kind of be connected, stay connected in the USA. Feel like they feel like they fit in. [00:15:00]

Amelia (Host): [00:15:01] Before that things were great in school. And then 9/11 happened. 

Doa: [00:15:07] Yes after 9/11. I was, it was my first day of middle school. They took us to the library and then we had to watch on the 9/11, then not even just the next day. I was completely terrified to go to school.

Because we got a lot of backlash. We got a lot of name calling. People were afraid to be around us. We were called terrorists, go back to your country. When we go walk in public, we were embarrassed to walk in public with a headscarf because one time somebody threw their fountain drink out the window and then just called us terrorists, go back home.

Which, you know, mainstream media kind of portrayed us as bad. 

Amelia (Host): [00:15:54] What was going through your head during this time? Cause you were quite young. 

[00:16:00] Doa: [00:16:00] Yeah. Like I said, I was,  we were also confused. I'm like, this is not what our religion taught us. This is not our religion taught us peace and to be friendly and to not lie, to not steal, all the 10 commandments.

This is not why, why are, why are we being portrayed like this? So, there was a lot of confusion. 

Amelia (Host): [00:16:25] Do you think that this affected your father even more? 

Doa: [00:16:30] Yeah. Dad was absent. He was, he was here physically, but he was absent. He didn't know what was going on because like I said, he would be hospitalized for a long period of time and then come out and then had to play a father figure.

And he had to catch up on lost time. So , he was absent to what was going on around him. But I do, I do applaud my dad. And even to this day, my mom thanks him a million. She said he [00:17:00] taught her how to drive before he fell ill. So, you know, in America, driving is your weapon. It's your lifeline, you need it for everything.

So , my mom, she tested so many times to get her driver's license and she kept failing and failing and failing. So,  she drove with her permit for 10 years just to get us to school. To get us to Sunday school so we can stay with our religion and our Arabic language. She took us to grocery stores.

She took us to our afterschool activities. She, she became our mom and dad. She was our biggest supporter. 

Amelia (Host): [00:17:44] And were all 9 of you still at home at the time? 

Doa: [00:17:49] One of the oldest one was married. Okay. She married young.

Amelia (Host): [00:17:53] You moved on and you graduated college. You went to college and you met your [00:18:00] husband. Can you tell us about meeting your husband and getting married and having children? 

Doa: [00:18:06] Yes. When I, I was getting a lot of marriage proposals. 

Amelia (Host): [00:18:12] And walk us through that. For those who are not familiar you were getting proposals from?

Doa: [00:18:17] From back home. I was getting proposals here in the United States.

It's kinda like an aunt knows a boy. That's a good fit for me. Or uncle knows a man that's a good fit for me or community members. So, I was getting a lot of proposals from all over the world. But deep inside of me, I was like, I always had that refugee camp experience in my head. I was like, I wish to help get somebody out of darkness into the light.

So, when Mohammad came along, they told me he, he lived, he resides in Iraq. He's a civil engineer. They gave me all his qualifications. And then I had him in the back of my head. I didn't give a yes or no [00:19:00] right away, but fast forward a year and a half, we were engaged. I did the sponsorship paperwork through the United States immigration services.

So, I did all that paperwork and then I brought him here and even him, he was a, he's a really hard worker. He, despite the war and the trauma, he went through he re-evaluated his degree here in the United States, and then just graduated with a double master's degree in information technology and data science.

And then he wants to further his studies. He just applied for his doctorate degree. 

Amelia (Host): [00:19:45] And you guys are in Maryland now?

Doa: [00:19:47] We reside in Maryland with our two kids. I have a five-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. And we reside here in Maryland, in the meantime.

[00:20:00] Amelia (Host): [00:19:59] You shared with me quite a bit before , your great love and great admiration for your father. You speak really highly of him, and I can see the love that you have for him as an adult. All that you know now, if you could say anything to him now, what would it be?

Doa: [00:20:23] If I were to say anything right now, I would tell him in a million years, that would not be able to thank you. Your bravery has opened a million doors for us.

You opened a million doors for us here. He provided us with opportunity. He provided us with our reason to live again because just compared to our family members that stayed back home, we have it so good. [00:21:00] Our life here in America is so good. So yeah. He my father passed away three years ago, but I would not be able to thank him in a million years.

Amelia (Host): [00:21:15] Thank you. That's beautiful. If you could leave any words behind for our listeners or a favorite quote, what would that be and why? 

Doa: [00:21:25] Yeah. So, the quote is by Ali, he said, you presume you are a small entity, but unfold unfolded inside of you is the entire universe.

So, we always assume we're, we're not capable or not. We're not good enough, but we can do so much with our life.

Yeah. Like. Like they say , the sky is the limit. 

Amelia (Host): [00:21:55] That’s so true. What's next for you Doa? 

Doa: [00:21:58] So, what's next for me [00:22:00] is I'm applying for my PhD program. I'm hoping to advance my career. My most recent career was information systems analyst. So , I'm hoping to advance my career. Hopefully open a business, maybe write a book.

We'll see what the future holds, but the sky's the limit. 

Amelia (Host): [00:22:21] The sky is the limit. And I hope for you to join me on a future show. I know that your father-in-law also has an incredible story to tell that we hope that we can reconnect over the summer altogether to tell his story. Thank you so much for. Being with me today and being open to sharing your story.

Thank you to our listeners. There are hundreds of thousands of podcasts out there, and I'm just so grateful that you've chosen to join us. My name is Amelia and I'm your host of voices of Inspiration. Everyone has a story to tell. What's yours?